Burning Bridges
by mxtt216
Summary: Amanda travels home to introduce her mother to her long term girlfriend, Olivia Benson. But things don't quite go as planned. Two-shot. Mostly AU.
1. Chapter 1

A heavy, possibly tense, silence fell over the car and all it did was cause another knot of concern to pull in the pit of Olivia's stomach.  
 _'I knew this was a mistake'_ she thought as she briefly glanced to to the blonde who was staring intently out the window, as if the scenery was the most interesting thing in the world

"Amanda, we don't have to do this" Olivia told her sincerely "We can turn the car around"

"We're almost there 'Liv, I can do it"  
Olivia was sure that the latter part of that sentence was for Amanda's benefit as much as her own but she accepted it and let the silence fall between them again, aside from Amanda's occasional deep sigh

The blonde was anxious. A feeling she thought she had managed to either control or leave behind years ago, but it became very obvious to her this wasn't the case the more familiar her surroundings got. How could she actually agree to this? She knew her mother would be concerned after hearing of Amanda's on the job injury but the last thing she expected was a half-demand, half-invite to visit.

"My moms is up here, third house on the left" she directed, as she dropped her un-bandaged hand to her jeans and wiped the sweat from it

Olivia slowed the car and pulled into the driveway as requested, and was surprised to see a seemingly well kept home, at least based off the exterior. By the way Amanda had spoken she had prepared herself for the home to be okay, at best.

"Olivia,I just want to apologise before we go in, my mother - she can be a bit much, and she was never especially comfortable with the fact I'm gay, honestly I have no idea what made her invite me here, it's been a while-"

"Sweetheart," the brunette cut her off as softly as possible "it'll be okay, don't worry about me. I love you Mandy, visiting your family wont change that"

Amanda hummed in disbelief but offered an I love you in response all the same, she just hoped her mother wouldn't use tonight to ruin what she had managed to establish with the older detective over the past ten months.  
They both exited the car, Amanda approaching the door and sharply knocking as she drew in a deep breath.

The door opened after a slight delay and Olivia was shocked to see the striking resemblance between the older Rollins woman and her girlfriend. She had assumed there would be similarities but this was beyond that.

"Oh 'Manda! My baby, look at you! The big city hasn't changed you a bit!"

At her mothers words Amanda grimaced "I reckon I've changed somethin' Mom, it's been almost four years"  
Olivia was surprised to hear that Amanda hadn't visited home even once since starting in New York, she had suspected that visits had been few and far between but not once? She was understanding the younger woman's fear of being here even more now.

"And look at your arm!" Mrs Rollins completely ignored Amanda's response and switched topics as they all entered the home "I told you that you shouldn't have moved up to that damn city, I'm surprised you haven't been hurt sooner!"

Olivia smirked as she caught Amanda's eye, clearly she'd been less than honest with her mother about her experiences over the past few years, because she had definitely received more than her fair share of injuries.

"Yeah me too Mom.." Amanda had to fight to keep the unhappiness from her tone "Anyway, this is my girlfriend Detective Olivia Benson and 'Liv, this is my Mother, Beth Anne Rollins"

Olivia let the tight smile form on her face despite her nerves and offered her hand to the older Rollins woman but it was immediately obvious to her it wouldn't be shook.  
"It's nice to meet you Olivia"

Amanda was surprised at her mothers words, and felt a small pang of joy in her heart, that was until Beth Anne continued her sentence "I'm glad 'Manda is making some friends up there in the big city, I'm always worrying about her, she needs some companionship- some good friends"

Amanda rolled her eyes. _'Great, the friends thing again'_ she thought, and just about managed to bite back from saying out loud  
"Mom" she said in warning, as she took Olivia's hand into her own and interlocked their fingers "I've told you- 'Liv isn't just some friend, which I have plenty of in New York by the way, Olivia is my girlfriend - we're romantically involved"

Amanda stood there feeling the heat rushing to her cheeks, she hated this, every time she visited home it always seemed to involve her coming out to her mother, again and again. It was getting tedious.  
"This can't surprise you Mom" she added as her mother attempted to look busy cleaning down the counters in the kitchen where they were all now awkwardly standing

"It's new Amanda-" Beth Anne attempted to begin, but Amanda cut her off with a scoff

"You've known I'm gay for 16 years now Mom. Nothing about this whole situation can be considered new- not anymore"

Olivia looked over to her girlfriend when she heard her voice break and saw the tears in her eyes. This wasn't fair. Now she really understood why Amanda was so reluctant to visit home.

"Darlin' I thought you'd have grown out of this by now- this _nonsense_!" Beth Anne stopped trying to busy herself and met Amanda's gaze "we raised you better than this, we raised you with God, and you were always so good- a good girl"

"Oh my god! I knew this was a waste of a journey, it's just like when I brought Alison home, isn't it? Although if you try hurt Olivia like you tried hurt her there'd be legal repercussions so maybe not Momma?" Amanda challenged, as she remembered back to the first girlfriend she had brought home, and when her mother smashed a glass which she attempted to threaten her with.

"Also, can I just ask," Amanda continued, the rage dripping from every word she spoke "what were the other redeeming points of me that made you think I was in _any way_ a good little Catholic girl? Are you overlooking the gambling now?"

"I can't talk to you when you're like this Amanda" the older woman huffed and Amanda just shook her head

"And I can't talk to you at all Momma- I can't keep doing this" Amanda admitted and Olivia noticed how much stronger her accent got the more she got upset with her mother "I can't keep coming home here, trying to build bridges and having you tear them down. I'm leaving now, actually, me and Olivia are leaving now- and I will not be coming back-"

Beth Anne looked horrified at her daughters words "What? Amanda, you can't do that-"

"Actually, I can. No matter how much you try to control me and pretend I'm not who I tell you I am, I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. Goodbye Momma"

Amanda turned and walked out of her childhood home, furiously wiping away the tears rolling down her cheeks and all Olivia could do was attempt to keep up with her until they reached the car.  
"Sweetheart, Mandy, please look at me" Olivia asked softly as she got into the drivers seat and reached over towards the younger detective who couldn't even seem to face her

"Please Liv" she begged, "please just get me out of here"

Olivia reluctantly agreed and started to back out of the driveway, her concern for Amanda worse now then when they had been travelling up to her girlfriends childhood home, but she figured it could be something they discuss later and somewhere far away from here.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Okay so I had said this was a oneshot but I decided to add another chapter because I wanted some comfort fluff!**

Olivia lay on the couch, a glass of red wine in hand and her thoughts racing. Amanda had been understandably upset after the encounter at home earlier that day but since that evening when they had gotten back home the pair had barely spoken, that was until Amanda informed her she was going for a night time run in the form of a low grumble from the hallway. So here Olivia was two hours, and a text message of concern later- still facing silence.

 _'She is upset'_ the brunette reassured herself _'angry, sad- just over all not doing wonderfully, but she is safe. She is a detective and can take care of herself'  
_ Or at least Olivia hoped so.

She didn't have long to imagine the horrifying possibilities of what her girlfriend was facing until she heard the unmistakable sound of the key turning over in the lock, and the wave of relief washed over her. That was until she met Amanda in the hall.

The blonde in front of her could only be described as heartbreak personified. Her eyes were puffy and red from obvious crying and as hard as she attempted to hold them back, heavy tears rolled down the pale, shivering woman's cheeks and dropped to just below her neck.

"Oh Mandy- sweetheart,-" Olivia attempted to comfort the woman by drawing her into her arms but she was immediately stopped as Amanda pulled away  
"Please don't"

Olivia wasn't overly surprised at her reaction, Amanda was never great with accepting comfort but she knew this time she needed to push this. The younger woman needed someone to show that they were in her corner and more importantly, that they loved her unconditionally for who she is.

"Amanda you need to listen to me. Please come and sit down, you're freezing"

The older detective lead Amanda to the living room, and once she had her sitting on the couch she draped a heavy blanket.  
"Thanks 'Liv" Amanda just barely managed to offer in response and Olivia sighed, as her worry only increased

"Sweetheart, I can't imagine how much today has bothered you and the things you're feeling right now but I need you to listen to me. Your mother is the one at a loss here. I know it wont be easy for you to pull away, if that's really what you want to do once you figure everything out- but please know that if that woman cant see past you being gay, and can't recognise you as the wonderful person you are alongside your sexuality, well then she is the one at a disadvantage"

Amanda took a minute to process the words her girlfriend had offered in kindness but all she could bring herself to reply was "She's my Momma- I ruined the relationship with my own mother"

"Mandy, you did not" Olivia agreed while interlocking their fingers "it's important that you know, you are in no way to blame for any of this. Parents are supposed to offer unconditional love and support- if they don't, that's their fault. You didn't cause this just by being yourself. Sometimes it takes some people longer to realise they're in the wrong than others"

It was obvious that Amanda didn't believe her but Olivia did think that would take some time.

"I think I'm just gonna' shower and go to bed, I'm pretty exhausted" Amanda attempted to stay withdrawn from this and Olivia just had to let her go and hope she'd come around and open up in time.

She settled back down onto the couch but couldn't get comfortable again, so as she heard the shower start up she made the decision to lock up and go to bed too. Which was where Amanda found her, by lamplight after her shower.

"You don't have to go now too, if you don't want to Olivia, I _am_ capable of sleeping alone" the blonde snapped

"I'm tired too Amanda, I'm not doing this for your benefit" which Olivia figured wasn't completely a lie, sure she wasn't very tired but this wasn't just for Amanda's comfort, she felt like she needed to be around her girlfriend right now.

Once Amanda got into bed Olivia shifted over to the blondes side and cuddled tightly to her back. There was another tense silence between them, the second of the day, but Olivia just tried to silently comfort her girlfriend as best as possible.

"I'm-sorry Olivia" Amanda's voice broke from emotion as she offered the apology which caused Olivia to drop a kiss to the back of her neck

"It's okay, my love. I know it isn't directed at me, you're struggling. But please try to believe me when I tell you that this will be okay, we can figure this out between us and find a way to come to whatever resolution makes you happy"

Amanda just continued sobbing briefly, until she could reply "is it bad that I want a relationship with her? I told her earlier I couldn't do this but I want it 'Liv, I just want her to accept me as I am" the desperation in her words broke Olivia's heart

"That's not bad at all Mandy, it's normal to want that relationship with your Mom- and we can figure out a way to get you one, okay?" Olivia reassured her "but for tonight you should just try sleep"

Amanda just nodded as she turned over in the older detectives arms and Olivia brought her hands up to thread through the other womans hair. She knew there was bound to be more nights in the future spent this way because of Amanda's mother, but she promised herself in that moment she would do everything she can to get the younger woman the relationship she wanted with her mother.

Amanda's breaths evened out within minutes, indicating her slumber and Olivia pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead  
"Goodnight, sweetheart"

 **AN2: So that's it! Hope the reviewers who wanted more are happy with the ending! Thanks for your feedback/follows/favourites! -M**


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